i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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