I just threw up on my dentist
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
