my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
