no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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