I got chris browned last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
