True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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