Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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