i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
