So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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