So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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