Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
