I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
