like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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