taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
