69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
