Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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