so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
worst night to have a conscience
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
