my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
