I wish I could teleport
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
