There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
