I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize