so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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