I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize