if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize