Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
are you so shy because you have an std?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So squirting runs in the family.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
