People in love make me want to vomit
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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