Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
