I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
