In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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