i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
