That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
