I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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