My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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