how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
