i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
