Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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