I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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