Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Randomize
