Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
