she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize