I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
