Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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