I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
