Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
