6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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