Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
tell me about the fingering
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
