i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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