So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
