if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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