oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
