I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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