I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
