she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
