I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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