I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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