Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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