I'm pants shitting drunk right now
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
