HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize