I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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