so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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