I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
