shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize