I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
