so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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