4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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