I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
