Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
