is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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